if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
