My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
