Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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