Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.

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(914): View more from New York

i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.

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(425): View more from Washington

Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.

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(316): View more from Kansas

I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey

(1-316): View more from Kansas

It’s a holiday tradition at this point

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