I must be too annoying 4 u.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Someone came in the potted fern
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize