Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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