did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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