Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He passed out mid-signature
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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