I bet he comes in French.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
