i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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