maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
