So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm bleeding and have questions
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
