just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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