Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Let's get the cat blown out
He shit in the fireplace
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
