She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
