im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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