I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
