It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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