The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize