I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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