Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
