no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
