don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
