So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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