mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize