you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize