Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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