hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
