I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
