i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
