all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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