It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
