I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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