First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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