Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My room smells like vodka and shame
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
