they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
