he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
