A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
