Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
