this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
