Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize