jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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