How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
