Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
