there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
