Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
