Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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