Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
