where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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