obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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