Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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