I'll bet she douches with gravy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Enjoy the penises
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
