Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
