I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize