so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
