I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
