You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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