Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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