You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
