What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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