so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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