Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
