is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
