Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had sex on a roof
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
