how hairy? two words: wookie tits
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
